Juxtaposition at its finest
It’s 6.31 on Sunday morning. I haven’t slept a wink.
Rewind back to yesterday (Saturday). I spent it in my local coffee shop, locked myself away in a meeting room and focussed.
Focussed on lesson planning and focussed on my business. It was a special day because I semi-interviewed and took on my first intern for my company. It feels amazing to be able to give somebody an opportunity, a job and experience and for someone who trusts and wants to be apart of your vision. It feels like the values and end goal that I have for my dream (which has always been to open up a school for girls in India; to give them the confidence to do what they want and be thought leaders and women of power) is already coming into play with what I’m doing on a microcosmic level.
I feel like taking on someone for my company is my first risk, because it involves trust, loyalty and respect first and foremost. It will also test and stretch me as a serious entrepreneur.
I left my little office space at 9pm and walked past women in heels who were holding on to their clutch bags as I was holding onto my laptop.
Got home and started watching Jerry Maguire (I can never watch a film in one sitting I always fall asleep half way through, so will have to finish it today and I’ll give you my review, if you haven’t seen it).
Anyway we’re now 6 hours ago, my back starts to feel painful and my chest tight and as I lay in bed I’m trying to take as many deep breaths to get some oxygen into my blood. I haven’t felt sickle cell pain for a while so this wasn’t what I was expecting. I couldn’t move to get some water because it felt like…the best way I can describe it is if you imagine going over a speed hump in a car when you’re in labour…(not that I know what that feels like) but that’s the only similarity I can make. And so I just wrapped my arms around my body in an attempt to contain and suppress my pain and put on a deep sleep playlist on Spotify.
When I get sickle cell pain it scares me so much, I feel scared to be alone. But for the past month, I’ve felt more independent and ready to spread my wings then ever before. About 3 hours ago I didn’t want to wake my mum up so just took some dihydracodine to settle the pain and hopefully help me snooze.
Nope. My mind has been racing. All I can think about is the next step for my company and how I can help my intern and what I want my website to look like and the designs. And I’ve been going over and over every detail to get it right and to etch it into my mind so I don’t forget it. It feels so intense. I’m not focussed on the money, I’m just so driven to bring each one of my ideas to the table. My currency for now is the courage to believe in myself and my vision.
But with how my body is feeling now, I hope my company can give me the freedom to be able to have a crisis and not have to worry about explaining myself or rushing a recovery.
I can hear birds tweeting and I really want to go to sleep and switch off for a bit, so I’m off. The pain has settled just still feeling a little tight and uncomfortable.
oh… before I go, ironically, I saw this video today and posted it on my FB urging people to watch and share it, because if more people know about Sickle Cell the more chance there is in saving someone in pain from further organ damage or even a stroke, and you never know who is going to be in the company of someone with the illness, I mean it’s not like you can see it! Two people did which I appreciate. xx