It’s 3.41am and I’m lying in a hospital bed. 

I had a crisis the day before yesterday and I tried my best to manage it at home. I had woken up DETERMIND to go about my day and not be ill because i didn’t want to let people down that I was supposed to meet and just didn’t want to be lying like a vegetable when I knew I had work to do. 
So I went about my day, crippling in pain. Got home for about 5pm, went down the stairs and I was stuck. Like literally stuck, I couldn’t move because the pain had consumed me, I couldn’t take another step. 

I was embarrassed, so embarrassed because I was thinking I’m 26 and I cant move. I’m 26 and I’m crawling because I’ve been defeated. That’s just how I felt. 

The paramedics came to the house and gave me some morphine and antinox aka laughing gas…and the hysterical pain was replaced with hysterical laughter. 

The paramedics were saying that I was named after laxatives (Senna Tablets) because my mum wanted to get rid of me 😹😹 we were all cracking up. 
I was in A&E and my friends came to visit me. They saw me again consumed with pain and then dilerious on laughing gas and fatigued on morphine, my mascara rubbed across my face. They bought me food and have just left a few hours ago with my mum. I haven’t been able to sleep since because I am so overjoyed with the feeling of love. 
As troubling as the situation is right now, currently on a ward attached to two machines I feel so BLESSED because EVERY single time I have been in hospital with a crisis GOD has BLESSED me and sent beautiful souls by my side. EVERY SINGLE TIME and I feel like the LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. 
So for anyone and everyone reading this, if you have been by my hospital side and been privileged to see me scream like a baby in pain & crippled over I am so GRATEFUL for you. This goes out to everyone over the years, whether they’ve been besties, bae’s or buddy’s have gotten me through the worst times. Have helped me go to the toilet, fed me, kept me warm and held my hand. I say this with a big smile on my face and muster all the love from my heart – I thank you so much and thank God for putting you in my life through those times. 
I am truly blessed. 
SS x